Natures Weirdest Creations

Unicorns are real

Unicorns, the "mythical" animals found in folklore all over the medieval world that have leeched into popular culture today. The vast majority of people know that these are just a legend, something that doesn't exist and never did exist. I'm here to tell you why you're wrong, unicorns may not be real anymore but once upon a time, unicorns frolicked in fields all over Eurasia and may have even been in contact with our distant ancestors...

Ladies and gentlemen, I present... The unicorn:

Behold, the unicorn in all its glory.

Well these days we like to refer to them as Elasmotherium, the "thin plate beast". Yes thin, I know right.

Elasmotherium, as you may have noticed, are a distant relative of the modern rhinoceros and believe it or not are closely related to horses. Down the line horses and rhinos share a common, hornless ancestor and along with tapirs form the order Perissodactlya, or odd toed ungulates.

Look at that beautiful horn

Elasmotherium were also alive to coincide with humans, as they may have only gone extinct around 50,000 years ago (humans migrated to Eurasia aroung 125,000 - 60,000 years ago). Do you know what that means? your ancestors were living it up, riding unicorns and being amazing.

It most likely grazed much like modern rhinos and horses and due to an odd trait of its teeth that made them ever growing its skull closely resembles that of a horse. If you dug up this skeleton in the middle ages and didn't know any better, this was a unicorn skeleton.

Elasmotherium have also developed legs more suitable to galloping rather than traditional rhino style legs making it appear much like a horse would. Thankfully, this also means that unicorns galloped majestically in the fields of rainbows and drank the tears of god as early humans watched in awe of these magnificent beasts.

Unfortunately, these real life unicorns went extinct far before any of our ancestors could see them, however strange reports still find a way to keep them alive in cryptozoological circles, keeping slight hope of a unicorn still alive, and with cloning technology increasing, who knows, maybe one day these mythical beasts just might not be as mythical.

The Elephant and its relatives, the strangest family ever.

Elephants.
What a weirdass animal.
Look at that trunk and those tusks, there is nothing on Earth quite like it.
What else could possibly look this weird?
What if I told you that the elephant's relatives were even weirder?

Enter Deinotherium, the evil, saber tooth Aunt of the elephant.
This, like most evil Aunts is bigger than its relatives, this big bitch stood about 5m tall making it the 3rd largest land mammal to have ever been known to exist.
Deinotherium's massive reverse facing tusks were probably used for defense but ultimately lost the competition of survival to mammoths and mastodons.

Even as a skeleton, she has
lipstick on her tusks

Deinotherium was of course Jewish

But wait, what's that I hear you say? They are just reversed tusks, nothing too out of the ordinary?
Meet Cousin Platybelodon, the oddball in the family with slight dental problems that we don't usually talk about.
As you may have noticed, Platybelodon looks like a normal elephant, except IT LIVES IN A SWAMP
Also, it has the mouth of a shovel. Just look at that bastard, he pulls the ladies like there is no tomorrow.
If you see a platybelodon at a club with his associated Belodons, first of all keep it away from your girlfriend and second of all freak out as you accidentally teleported back in time 15-4 million years ago when these chick magnets existed.

Platybelodon has a lot to smile about, he died long before the twilight movies came out.

And while we were talking about dentistry, we cant look past these 4 tusked badasses.
Gomphotherium enjoys long walks on the beach and while not destroying middle earth with barbed wire wrapped between its tusks, this bastard just revels in the fact that he has twice as many tusks as most other relatives. What a bastard.
Fun fact, it's name means "Welded Beast" in greek, due to the fact that they are good at working with metal.

Before he became a Forsworn Headress

Gomphotherium on its holiday to
New Zealand

So always remember, you may have a weird family, but the elephant has the weird ones, plus they can't possibly forget them. So laugh at their funny noses, elephants stand tall knowing they are not natures weirdest creations...